Earlier this year as I was making a plan for the upcoming year, I had made a diagram of concentric circles that contained all the things that I hoped this year would entail, with God being in the centre of it all. The point was that as I got busier and busier, I could peel away the layers and in the end, even if I had nothing left, my first priority would still be God. But how the months had seasoned my thoughts and these goals had been lost in the motion of it all.
I felt disconnected from youth and my passion for serving faded. Was I to blame the monotonous and repetitive work of management or the people who didn't care to include me in their activities? In that moment, I blamed both. In this moment, I realise that it is neither. It is simply me and my relationship with God that is the key determining factor for my relationships with other people and my passion for serving. I can't put my faith and identity in other people, because people will always fail. It all had to start back at square one, the centre of the circle - just me and God.
I need to love God first, before I can love other people, because this strength comes from above. I need to humble myself before God, acknowledging that I am nothing without Him and I desperately need Him in every moment, before I can serve with a servant-like heart. I need to find the fullness of joy and satisfaction for my soul in reading His Word, first and foremost before I even begin to engage in anything else.
Too often, I pursue the goal of achieving well as a means of glorifying God, but not realising that I am forsaking what is truly important - quiet time spent with my Saviour, getting to know him, loving him and growing into a deeper, more intimate relationship with him. Admitting that I have sinned and that I need his forgiveness everyday, I need to be rooted in God, before I am able to grow. Because God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him.
So back to the centre - Jesus.
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