Starting at (The) One,

Earlier this year as I was making a plan for the upcoming year, I had made a diagram of concentric circles that contained all the things that I hoped this year would entail, with God being in the centre of it all. The point was that as I got busier and busier, I could peel away the layers and in the end, even if I had nothing left, my first priority would still be God. But how the months had seasoned my thoughts and these goals had been lost in the motion of it all. 

I felt disconnected from youth and my passion for serving faded. Was I to blame the monotonous and repetitive work of management or the people who didn't care to include me in their activities? In that moment, I blamed both. In this moment, I realise that it is neither. It is simply me and my relationship with God that is the key determining factor for my relationships with other people and my passion for serving. I can't put my faith and identity in other people, because people will always fail. It all had to start back at square one, the centre of the circle - just me and God. 

I need to love God first, before I can love other people, because this strength comes from above. I need to humble myself before God, acknowledging that I am nothing without Him and I desperately need Him in every moment, before I can serve with a servant-like heart. I need to find the fullness of joy and satisfaction for my soul in reading His Word, first and foremost before I even begin to engage in anything else.

Too often, I pursue the goal of achieving well as a means of glorifying God, but not realising that I am forsaking what is truly important - quiet time spent with my Saviour, getting to know him, loving him and growing into a deeper, more intimate relationship with him. Admitting that I have sinned and that I need his forgiveness everyday, I need to be rooted in God, before I am able to grow. Because God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him.

So back to the centre - Jesus.

Watering The Seed,

Wandering around the supermarket in the fresh foods section, I pick up an apple and stare at it, checking its every groove to see whether it was sweet. I began to think about how hard sweet fruits are to find (if you're not very good at picking fruits like me). Even when the whole process of growing and picking and ageing is the same, for some reason, only a select few are sweet.

It is difficult to produce sweet fruit and so it is the same with our lives. It takes time, energy, sweat and perseverance - it is not easy.

So I cast my mind to this parable that Jesus spoke in Luke 8.

5 “A sower went out to sow his seed. And as he sowed, some fell along the path and was trampled underfoot, and the birds of the air devoured it. 6 And some fell on the rock, and as it grew up, it withered away, because it had no moisture. 7 And some fell amongthorns, and the thorns grew up with it and choked it. 8 And some fell into good soil and grew and yielded a hundredfold.” As he said these things, he called out, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” (v5-8)
11 Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God. 12 The ones along the path are those who have heard; then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved.13 And the ones on the rock are those who, when they hear the word, receive it with joy. But these have no root; they believe for a while, and in time of testing fall away. 14 And as for what fell among the thorns, they are those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life, and their fruit does not mature. 15 As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience." 
 (v11-15)

Jesus says that in order to produce sweet fruit, we must hear the word, retain it and persevere. Why do we persevere? Because it doesn't come easy. 
It's easy to just hear the word, because it requires no action. It's easier to focus on what is in front of us - our problems, worries, earthly pleasures - than to focus on what is unseen. But Jesus tells us we need to spend the time and effort watering our seeds, feeding ourselves spiritual food, tasting and seeing that the Lord is good. Ponder and meditate on the Word and persevere even when it gets busy and tough, so that in due season, we can stand against the storms of life and produce good fruit.

Good fruit takes time to grow. An unripened fruit is not as its best, so we must be patient in the seasons of growing. Waiting is hard, not seeing any progress while waiting is even harder. Maybe we can't see any signs of growth, maybe God is working behind the scenes, but it's in these seasons where it is even more important that we continue to water our seeds. For God has said, blessed is the one who waits on the Lord.

Good fruit also needs good soil. We need to plant ourselves in an environment where we can grow and flourish, not where we will be choked and strangled. Remove the toxic influences in our lives that are dragging us down and inhibiting our growth. Continually surround ourselves with brothers and sisters, share the light, water each other in times when we don't have what it takes to water ourselves. 

So a challenge for myself and for you, is to water our souls with the word of God daily. Meditate on it day and night so that we may retain it. Share it with a brother or sister and water their souls too. It won't be easy and we will need to be patient, but I believe that God loves sweet fruits, just like I do.

I Know Who You Are,

It's been a long few years.

It's September, a new month and season to behold. Yet in these moments, I can't help reflecting on these past few years since rediscovering this unintentionally abandoned space. It's crazy to think that just two years ago, we were holding our awards and trophies, on the edge of our seats to graduate and finally experience life outside of school.

The next season was one of piling responsibilities, stepping outside of our comfort zone and into new, unfamiliar territories of different cities and different universities. More challenges faced than I ever thought I would be able to, not because I was able, but because He was able. Looking back on God's fingerprints all over my life, how could I ever doubt that He has planned my path according to His will and that He will bring me through?

But here I am, in the desert season, believing that God is our wonderful Father who is at work around me, but not quite believing He is working on me. How does one remain faithful in the times when we can't feel his presence, when we don't have obvious signs that He is with us and for us?
We can remain faithful when we know. When we know who God is, that He overflows with mercy and desires for His children to come back to Him. When we know who Jesus is, the kind and compassionate One interceding for us, who has paid the price and torn the veil so that we could come close. When we know the Spirit is living inside of us, renewing us each and everyday. When we know these things, we can trust that God hasn't forgotten us but that He is doing a new thing.

"Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert."  Isaiah 43:19

The Comparison Game,

I flew through my childhood years thinking I was all that. I was fed by the teachers of my little private Christian school that I was intelligent and pretty, spoiled into thinking that I was talented and hard-working. All went well, until I was sent to a public middle school. What horror. 

What this part of the world fed me was different than anything I've ever tasted. I was no longer intelligent, because Mary Jiang scored a better mark on her maths exam than I had. I was no longer pretty, because now that we had to learn to do our own hair, my fly-away ponytail was anything but the perfectly tousled blonde hair of the girl who sat in front of me. I was no longer talented - if I was, why was I sent to the back of the orchestra to tap a small glockenspiel balanced on my knees with mismatched sticks, when Stephanie got to stand at the front conducting everyone?

It wasn't even that my previous primary school had under-achieving students or something. Just last week I searched up a blog of my grade 3 best friend where she had written amazing post after amazing post of deep intellectual insights of all the happenings of this complex world we live in. I'm pretty sure my last blog post was just reblogging all the photos that I had already Instagrammed. Oh the shame.

But I digress.

Even now, there are different messages we are fed with. One minute we are told to eat that damn red velvet cupcake and the next, that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. The mantra that there are more important things than our OP scores play on repeat in our minds, but it seems like those digits are something everybody is fighting for at school. Inspirational Instagram photos tell us to love ourselves but that same newsfeed floods us with images of other people's thigh gaps in one flick of a scroll. What we are told doesn't match the reality that we live in.

Over the years, the voices start creeping in. The chatters that splash reality in your face, shoves doubts down your throat, and pushes you into the world of social media, where everyone's "have"s look 37 likes better than your "have not"s. 

Then there are the Dove ads that tell you to just beYOUtiful. That everyone is special and unique so you're better off just being yourself. That never worked with me because it felt like majority of my personality components are taken off other people whom I have admired and respected. I remember my younger self deliberating over the thought that if everyone is unique, doesn't that mean there's something we're all similar in? 

Before I move on, in no way am I endorsing everyone should not be themselves. That's ridiculous. If you have found confidence in loving yourself and being just the way you are then I take my hats off to you. It's a personal thing really. I just don't like being told I'm perfect JUST THE WAY I AM SO DON'T EVER CHANGE because I'm not perfect - I'm broken and I don't ever want to be comfortable in remaining in who I am. There's just gotta be better quotes out there. 

Again, in no way am I suggesting we block out those messages that are meant to uplift us and encourage us. What I'm trying to say is we shouldn't feel like those encouragements, and especially our attributes, should diminish at that of others. Therein is the root of the problem then - the good old comparison game. 

I know there's that Steven Furtick quote floating around that we shouldn't compare our behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel. Which is good and absolutely true. In the majority of situations. But what if the best of your achievements, your "highlight reel", still pales in comparison with others? And what if you've seen someone else's "behind the scenes", and it's still more lovely than yours? 

Am I suggesting we just don't look at and dwell on other people's successes? Again, no. What are the practicalities of that? Your loved one's successes should be acknowledged and celebrated, not shoved behind the recesses of your mind just because you can't handle their glowing stars compared to your not-so-shiny achievements. 

So let's try a different thought. 

Maybe the challenge is to not view other people's successes as your failures. 

There's no way of denying Shantel is incredibly gifted in her intellectual abilities. But perhaps I shouldn't view her amazing brain capacity as saying it means I am not smart. 

There's no way of denying Grace is passionately warm-hearted and open around people. But that doesn't mean I fail at interacting with others.

There's NOO way of denying Tiffany is just going to be the most joyful, room-lighting person you've ever met. Still, that doesn't mean the presence of our other friends are not enjoyed. 

Other people's successes are not our failures. Still, work on bettering yourself everyday. You want to be able to say you're not where you want to be, but at least you're not where you're supposed to be. QUOTE OVERLOAD I KNOW. But coming up with deep, insightful quotes is not my forte (but that doesn't mean I'm not capable of ...... you see where I'm going??). 

So here are all the things not to do. And what of the things that we should do then? If we are not to view other people's achievements as our failures, what are we supposed to do with ourselves after that?

Take this nugget of thoughts first. When I figure those other bits out, I'll let you know. 

Some Wednesday motivation

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

FRASER BABY

"The walls are caving in with no warning

This ship is sinking, I gotta swim for it

I'm running out of air. Break me out tonight.

I wanna see the sun rising anywhere but here.

Come with me." The Rescues

I've been nagging my brother for a road trip for I don't even remember how long.

Finally decided to go back to Fraser for the fourth time, and it was the most perfect day.

Crystal clear waters of Lake McKenzie, screaming to my heart's content on top of my car, the excited shrieks when I finally dug up my first pipi of the day, breathtaking sunset and night sky. HOW DOES IT GET BETTER.

Wasn't kidding when I said crystal clear. See for yourself.

 Exfoliated myself with the sand.

 Fail jump with shirt in my face but... IT TOOK A LONG TIME TO GET KAY.

 Havin' a laughhhh

Digging for my pipi!!!

 Happy Easter, and enjoy the rest of the holidays!

"Honor and majesty are before Him; strength and beauty are in His sanctuary."

Psalm 96:6

Wandering the sky

IN A HOT AIR BALLOON!

Family from Thailand and Taiwan came to visit so hot air balloon we went.

I had to wake up at 3am. I am not a morning person.

I had to squish myself in a car of 7 until my legs can't feel anymore.

While these sound like complaints to you, they are things I am so thankful for. 

How breathtakingly contrasting the full moon and the sky was at 3am. 

How amazing it is that I get to be with the people I love that I haven't seen in years.

'The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.' 

Psalm 19:1

Have a safe holiday, cheerio.