The Comparison Game,

I flew through my childhood years thinking I was all that. I was fed by the teachers of my little private Christian school that I was intelligent and pretty, spoiled into thinking that I was talented and hard-working. All went well, until I was sent to a public middle school. What horror. 

What this part of the world fed me was different than anything I've ever tasted. I was no longer intelligent, because Mary Jiang scored a better mark on her maths exam than I had. I was no longer pretty, because now that we had to learn to do our own hair, my fly-away ponytail was anything but the perfectly tousled blonde hair of the girl who sat in front of me. I was no longer talented - if I was, why was I sent to the back of the orchestra to tap a small glockenspiel balanced on my knees with mismatched sticks, when Stephanie got to stand at the front conducting everyone?

It wasn't even that my previous primary school had under-achieving students or something. Just last week I searched up a blog of my grade 3 best friend where she had written amazing post after amazing post of deep intellectual insights of all the happenings of this complex world we live in. I'm pretty sure my last blog post was just reblogging all the photos that I had already Instagrammed. Oh the shame.

But I digress.

Even now, there are different messages we are fed with. One minute we are told to eat that damn red velvet cupcake and the next, that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. The mantra that there are more important things than our OP scores play on repeat in our minds, but it seems like those digits are something everybody is fighting for at school. Inspirational Instagram photos tell us to love ourselves but that same newsfeed floods us with images of other people's thigh gaps in one flick of a scroll. What we are told doesn't match the reality that we live in.

Over the years, the voices start creeping in. The chatters that splash reality in your face, shoves doubts down your throat, and pushes you into the world of social media, where everyone's "have"s look 37 likes better than your "have not"s. 

Then there are the Dove ads that tell you to just beYOUtiful. That everyone is special and unique so you're better off just being yourself. That never worked with me because it felt like majority of my personality components are taken off other people whom I have admired and respected. I remember my younger self deliberating over the thought that if everyone is unique, doesn't that mean there's something we're all similar in? 

Before I move on, in no way am I endorsing everyone should not be themselves. That's ridiculous. If you have found confidence in loving yourself and being just the way you are then I take my hats off to you. It's a personal thing really. I just don't like being told I'm perfect JUST THE WAY I AM SO DON'T EVER CHANGE because I'm not perfect - I'm broken and I don't ever want to be comfortable in remaining in who I am. There's just gotta be better quotes out there. 

Again, in no way am I suggesting we block out those messages that are meant to uplift us and encourage us. What I'm trying to say is we shouldn't feel like those encouragements, and especially our attributes, should diminish at that of others. Therein is the root of the problem then - the good old comparison game. 

I know there's that Steven Furtick quote floating around that we shouldn't compare our behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel. Which is good and absolutely true. In the majority of situations. But what if the best of your achievements, your "highlight reel", still pales in comparison with others? And what if you've seen someone else's "behind the scenes", and it's still more lovely than yours? 

Am I suggesting we just don't look at and dwell on other people's successes? Again, no. What are the practicalities of that? Your loved one's successes should be acknowledged and celebrated, not shoved behind the recesses of your mind just because you can't handle their glowing stars compared to your not-so-shiny achievements. 

So let's try a different thought. 

Maybe the challenge is to not view other people's successes as your failures. 

There's no way of denying Shantel is incredibly gifted in her intellectual abilities. But perhaps I shouldn't view her amazing brain capacity as saying it means I am not smart. 

There's no way of denying Grace is passionately warm-hearted and open around people. But that doesn't mean I fail at interacting with others.

There's NOO way of denying Tiffany is just going to be the most joyful, room-lighting person you've ever met. Still, that doesn't mean the presence of our other friends are not enjoyed. 

Other people's successes are not our failures. Still, work on bettering yourself everyday. You want to be able to say you're not where you want to be, but at least you're not where you're supposed to be. QUOTE OVERLOAD I KNOW. But coming up with deep, insightful quotes is not my forte (but that doesn't mean I'm not capable of ...... you see where I'm going??). 

So here are all the things not to do. And what of the things that we should do then? If we are not to view other people's achievements as our failures, what are we supposed to do with ourselves after that?

Take this nugget of thoughts first. When I figure those other bits out, I'll let you know. 

Some Wednesday motivation

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson