The Comparison Game,

I flew through my childhood years thinking I was all that. I was fed by the teachers of my little private Christian school that I was intelligent and pretty, spoiled into thinking that I was talented and hard-working. All went well, until I was sent to a public middle school. What horror. 

What this part of the world fed me was different than anything I've ever tasted. I was no longer intelligent, because Mary Jiang scored a better mark on her maths exam than I had. I was no longer pretty, because now that we had to learn to do our own hair, my fly-away ponytail was anything but the perfectly tousled blonde hair of the girl who sat in front of me. I was no longer talented - if I was, why was I sent to the back of the orchestra to tap a small glockenspiel balanced on my knees with mismatched sticks, when Stephanie got to stand at the front conducting everyone?

It wasn't even that my previous primary school had under-achieving students or something. Just last week I searched up a blog of my grade 3 best friend where she had written amazing post after amazing post of deep intellectual insights of all the happenings of this complex world we live in. I'm pretty sure my last blog post was just reblogging all the photos that I had already Instagrammed. Oh the shame.

But I digress.

Even now, there are different messages we are fed with. One minute we are told to eat that damn red velvet cupcake and the next, that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. The mantra that there are more important things than our OP scores play on repeat in our minds, but it seems like those digits are something everybody is fighting for at school. Inspirational Instagram photos tell us to love ourselves but that same newsfeed floods us with images of other people's thigh gaps in one flick of a scroll. What we are told doesn't match the reality that we live in.

Over the years, the voices start creeping in. The chatters that splash reality in your face, shoves doubts down your throat, and pushes you into the world of social media, where everyone's "have"s look 37 likes better than your "have not"s. 

Then there are the Dove ads that tell you to just beYOUtiful. That everyone is special and unique so you're better off just being yourself. That never worked with me because it felt like majority of my personality components are taken off other people whom I have admired and respected. I remember my younger self deliberating over the thought that if everyone is unique, doesn't that mean there's something we're all similar in? 

Before I move on, in no way am I endorsing everyone should not be themselves. That's ridiculous. If you have found confidence in loving yourself and being just the way you are then I take my hats off to you. It's a personal thing really. I just don't like being told I'm perfect JUST THE WAY I AM SO DON'T EVER CHANGE because I'm not perfect - I'm broken and I don't ever want to be comfortable in remaining in who I am. There's just gotta be better quotes out there. 

Again, in no way am I suggesting we block out those messages that are meant to uplift us and encourage us. What I'm trying to say is we shouldn't feel like those encouragements, and especially our attributes, should diminish at that of others. Therein is the root of the problem then - the good old comparison game. 

I know there's that Steven Furtick quote floating around that we shouldn't compare our behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel. Which is good and absolutely true. In the majority of situations. But what if the best of your achievements, your "highlight reel", still pales in comparison with others? And what if you've seen someone else's "behind the scenes", and it's still more lovely than yours? 

Am I suggesting we just don't look at and dwell on other people's successes? Again, no. What are the practicalities of that? Your loved one's successes should be acknowledged and celebrated, not shoved behind the recesses of your mind just because you can't handle their glowing stars compared to your not-so-shiny achievements. 

So let's try a different thought. 

Maybe the challenge is to not view other people's successes as your failures. 

There's no way of denying Shantel is incredibly gifted in her intellectual abilities. But perhaps I shouldn't view her amazing brain capacity as saying it means I am not smart. 

There's no way of denying Grace is passionately warm-hearted and open around people. But that doesn't mean I fail at interacting with others.

There's NOO way of denying Tiffany is just going to be the most joyful, room-lighting person you've ever met. Still, that doesn't mean the presence of our other friends are not enjoyed. 

Other people's successes are not our failures. Still, work on bettering yourself everyday. You want to be able to say you're not where you want to be, but at least you're not where you're supposed to be. QUOTE OVERLOAD I KNOW. But coming up with deep, insightful quotes is not my forte (but that doesn't mean I'm not capable of ...... you see where I'm going??). 

So here are all the things not to do. And what of the things that we should do then? If we are not to view other people's achievements as our failures, what are we supposed to do with ourselves after that?

Take this nugget of thoughts first. When I figure those other bits out, I'll let you know. 

Some Wednesday motivation

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

FRASER BABY

"The walls are caving in with no warning

This ship is sinking, I gotta swim for it

I'm running out of air. Break me out tonight.

I wanna see the sun rising anywhere but here.

Come with me." The Rescues

I've been nagging my brother for a road trip for I don't even remember how long.

Finally decided to go back to Fraser for the fourth time, and it was the most perfect day.

Crystal clear waters of Lake McKenzie, screaming to my heart's content on top of my car, the excited shrieks when I finally dug up my first pipi of the day, breathtaking sunset and night sky. HOW DOES IT GET BETTER.

Wasn't kidding when I said crystal clear. See for yourself.

 Exfoliated myself with the sand.

 Fail jump with shirt in my face but... IT TOOK A LONG TIME TO GET KAY.

 Havin' a laughhhh

Digging for my pipi!!!

 Happy Easter, and enjoy the rest of the holidays!

"Honor and majesty are before Him; strength and beauty are in His sanctuary."

Psalm 96:6

Wandering the sky

IN A HOT AIR BALLOON!

Family from Thailand and Taiwan came to visit so hot air balloon we went.

I had to wake up at 3am. I am not a morning person.

I had to squish myself in a car of 7 until my legs can't feel anymore.

While these sound like complaints to you, they are things I am so thankful for. 

How breathtakingly contrasting the full moon and the sky was at 3am. 

How amazing it is that I get to be with the people I love that I haven't seen in years.

'The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.' 

Psalm 19:1

Have a safe holiday, cheerio.

Reason To Sing,

"When the pieces seem to shatter, to gather off the floor.

And all that seems to matter, is that I don't 

feel you anymore. No, I don't feel you anymore.

I need a reason to sing." Reason to Sing, All Sons and Daughters

Aslan: Lucy. 

Lucy: Aslan?

Aslan: What have you done child?

Lucy: I don't know, that was awful.

Aslan: But you chose it, Lucy.

Lucy: I didn't mean to choose all of that, I just wanted to be beautiful like Susan. That's all.

Aslan: You wished yourself away and with it much more. 

Your brothers and sisters wouldn't know Narnia without you, Lucy. You discovered it first, remember?

Lucy: I’m so sorry.

Aslan: You doubt your value, don't run from who you are.

Keep fighting girls. I know it all seems like such a burden at the moment, and nothing's going right. The deadlines are mounting up and you realize the road to the future you envisioned at the start of high school is not as easy as you dreamed. But remember, your intelligence is not based on what your teachers grade you with, your beauty is not based on who did or did not ask you to formal, and your value is certainly not based on someone who changed their mind. 

 Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.

Decide

So, do it. Decide. Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? 

Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More Compassionate?
Decide. Breathe in. Breathe out and decide.

— Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

It's so easy to lose ourselves in the monotonous, unchanging routine in your daily life, that so often, we forget to stop and take a look around to reflect ourselves. In the midst of stress and busyness, we lose our sense of purpose, our goals and that determination to reach it. It often strikes me as invigorating and daunting at the same time, that we can literally be whoever we want to be, in the spur of a moment, with a decision made. We're not lazy or unlovable or pretentious by nature, it's not set in stone in our personalities. These are things we can change at any moment we decide to, so why don't we? Change can be scary, but change also allows for room to grow, to experiment, to experience. It's all in the thinking. 

Grade 12 has hit us hard with the heavy workload that it promises; trying to keep that under control while trying to enjoy every single last moment you can spend with these wonderful people is one of the greatest challenges. I think in this busy and stressful time, we shouldn't neglect to see the little things, the beautiful things and be thankful everyday.

Good luck with school for everyone, especially our fellow seniors.

Have a wonderful and BLESSED day.

Leaving you with another Grey's Anatomy quote that motivates me everyday 'cause I can.

"Have some FIRE. Be unstoppable. Be a force of nature.

Be better than anyone here and don't give a damn what anyone thinks."

Embracing Taiwan,

Now that Shantel has spruced up an enchanting blog on her life in the golden lands of San Francisco, where table clothes come in checkers, sceneries come in perfection and fries come in cheese, it is time for me to write one up on Taiwan, where the land comes in.... people. Yes, people.

See the things that enchanted me most in my home country were not the smoky mountains, glorious food or prices where you feel like you have to add a zero at the end to make it seem like they're not pulling your leg, but of the people. And no, not that they were the most joyful, blessed or fortunate people I have ever seen; the broken are still despairing and the poor are still desperate, but that they were just. so. interesting. Truly like walking stories. They made me want to sniff their hair, steal their diaries and listen to their journey. It's like they've seen the world, the good and the bad, but they just kept going. Kept selling their food, kept cleaning that yellow duckie, and kept praising God. They don't hide what they're going through, and don't act indifferent. They are real. 

Here's a summary in photos, but next time, I think I'm going to take less photos of food and more of the people. 

And then, after all that, it's back to school. Hurrah. 

California Girl

Airports. This place holds different significance for everyone, whether it be the excited first-time-on-a-plane travelers with nervous butterflies in their stomachs or the tired people making their way back to their loved ones, their homes. For me, I just want to see the world. Other people's worlds. So many times, we get so caught up in our own lives, complications and afflictions that we forget that there's a whole world out there, waiting for us to find. There are things to be discovered, places to be seen and experiences to be felt and I just feel like it's a shame if we don't try and live it out. Sometimes, it's difficult to leave our loved ones, but someone told me time apart is good - it reminds you to appreciate the person when they're next to you.

Time of my life spent in America. I mean, how could I not? Breathtaking winter morning air, rows and rows of houses decorated with Christmas lights, stunning variety of guilty pleasures *ahem* fast food *ahem*, cute college boys, typical American high school parties, wishlists turning into reality (for a cheap price too), and Netflix. I miss Netflix the most. Here's a precious portion of my trip in pictures.

The famous Fisherman's Wharf of San Francisco

 Pier 39 boardwalk (looks like a dream, doesn't it?)

 Cable cars of San Francisco, the last manually operated cable car systems running from Union Square to Fisherman's Wharf, making it one of San Fran's most symbolic icons.

The Golden Gate Bridge

Life accomplishment: walk across The Golden Gate Bridge - check!

The mesmerising view of the city of San Francisco from the Golden Gate Bridge

The breathtaking Saints Peter and Paul church! 

Fun fact: Marilyn Monroe took her wedding pictures outside this church. True story.

 San Francisco Cannery, fun fun fun

 Cute cafes EVERYWHERE.

The streets of San Jose at Santana Row, it makes me want to frolic in a field of daisies. I mean look at those red and white tablecloths. What?

Burgers and stuff, cause you know, we're in America.

Good stuff.

 Meet the cousin Albert, he's hella swag

 ANIMAL STYLE FRIES. It's like all the good things in life altogether

IN-N-OUT burgers. Trumps Hungry Jacks or whatever sad excuse of fast food Australia has. Trumps all. In-n-out trumps all.

A picture of me drowning in the result of a crazy shopping spree in Union Square and Gilroy.

Though these pictures really don't do it justice, it's been an unforgettable trip. Above all, knowing there are bigger things out there than my afflictions gives me a reason to push through the waves and keep my head above the waters. I'm thankful that I'm alive and get to breathe winter morning air in California, that I get to wake up next to my family and I'm thankful to have a beautiful saviour who loves me and blesses me with everything that I have.

PS. I bought 5 mega packets of Hershey's and Reese's peanut butter cups. They say sharing is caring, but I'm taking a break from that, at least until I finish the chocolate.